Sila
The gradual path begins with Sila, or Virtue, which is the intention to free oneself from unwholesome bodily and verbal actions that lead to coarse afflictions and remorse. Sila involves practicing self-discipline to let go of clinging, aversion, and delusion in oneself and towards others.
In simple terms, it means renouncing or letting go of desires or expectations from interactions with others and letting go any hateful, aversive, or harmful thoughts, speech or actions. The practice of virtue and goodwill helps protect us and others from the most detrimental forms of stress and unhappiness that our actions, speech, and intentions might cause when interacting with the world.
By strict self-discipline, one ensures that no unskillful behavior will cause us to become entangled in the problems of the external world. Success in self-discipline brings confidence and peace of mind that one has never known before.
Desire breeds fear and sorrow, renunciation gives fearlessness and joy.
True virtue and goodwill comes from the understanding that everyone, including ourselves, is afflicted by clinging of the Five Aggregates and that everyone who is not liberated acts based on clinging, aversion, and delusion. It comes from understanding that our perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and views can't be relied upon, and that it's common for people to come to false conclusions from the delusions that arise from not correctly seeing reality as it is.
Since everyone is afflicted by the fires of Nibbana, instead of taking anything personally, one should understand that people's actions in the present, including our own, are based on past causes and conditions. We cannot know what others have been through in life that might cause them to act in the present; therefore, any judgment about others is ignorance. Also, taking things personally is another form of ignorance, as no one can "do" anything to another. Even if there is intent to cause harm, this intention is rooted in past greed, aversion, and ignorance, and the result of their suffering. For example, one might have been abused or molested as a child and developed unwholesome behaviours or ways to interact with the world. This is why compassion and goodwill are required towards oneself and others.
Judgments Towards Others
It's important to remember that when we judge others, we are really just looking at our own Five Aggregates. In other words, when we have negative feelings, perceptions, thoughts, speech, and actions towards others, they are just a reflection of the preconceived notions stored in memory, re-cognized through the Five Aggregates.
So when you see greed, hatred, aversion, you are really looking at yourself.
As we approach any situation, we first establish the right view that all interactions with others are fraught with possible dangers and that we must not cling to, not get entangled with any judgments or expectations, as doing so will cause distress and dissatisfaction.
This is why it is important to constantly be mindful of our thoughts, speech, and actions and reflect on them.
When interacting with others, it's important to also maintain mindfulness to notice any tension or tightness in the mind or body, which may indicate clinging to the interaction, either expecting something or being adverse to the situation.
Any unskillful interaction will be easy to identify and reflect upon because of the lingering thoughts, distress and dissatisfaction that they create.
The following sutta describes the purpose of Virtue and how practicing it correctly can lead all the way to liberation:
The Tathagata describes how the whole path starts with virtue and gives advice on how to practice virtue: (some practices only apply to disciples)
Precepts are not Rules
It's important to look at virtue and the precepts not as rules (clinging) but as a practice.
History is filled with people blindly believing they are a "a good person" yet justify wars and untold suffering in the name of "good". For this reason, we should not look at lying, stealing, killing, drinking, and sexual misconduct as simple concepts or attributes. But understand how their application needs to be skillfully adapted based on the unlimited circumstances one might encounter.
Practicing virtue is protection from getting tangled in wordly matters. It allows us to renounce the world, without hating the world. Its also one of the best ways to train the mind, as one must constantly be mindful if their own and others actions are tainted by greed, aversion, and delusion.
Practicing virtue is also the best way to judge our progress on the path, as we can evaluate the amount of clinging, aversion, and delusion that manifests in difficult situations, when we interact with difficult people.
For example, without encountering annoying individuals, how can we develop patience? It's through others triggering our "buttons" or testing our tolerance that we uncover the greed, aversion and clinging to expectations that still exist within us.
“And what, are the qualities that make one a contemplative, that make one liberated? ‘We will be endowed with shame (at the idea of wrong-doing) & compunction (for the consequences of wrong-doing)’: That’s how you should train yourselves.
Right Action
“And how is one made impure in three ways by bodily action? There is the case where a certain person takes life, is brutal, bloody-handed, devoted to killing & slaying, showing no mercy to living beings. He takes what is not given. He takes, in the manner of a thief, things in a village or a wilderness that belong to others and have not been given by them. He engages in sexual misconduct. He gets sexually involved with those who are protected by their mothers, their fathers, their brothers, their sisters, their relatives, or their Dhamma; those with husbands, those who entail punishments, or even those crowned with flowers by another man. This is how one is made impure in three ways by bodily action."
Right Speech
“And how is one made impure in four ways by verbal action? There is the case where a certain person tells lies. When he has been called to a town meeting, a group meeting, a gathering of his relatives, his guild, or of the royalty [i.e., a royal court proceeding], if he is asked as a witness, ‘Come & tell, good man, what you know’: If he doesn’t know, he says, ‘I know.’ If he does know, he says, ‘I don’t know.’ If he hasn’t seen, he says, ‘I have seen.’ If he has seen, he says, ’I haven’t seen.’ Thus he consciously tells lies for his own sake, for the sake of another, or for the sake of a certain reward. He engages in divisive speech. What he has heard here he tells there to break those people apart from these people here. What he has heard there he tells here to break these people apart from those people there. Thus breaking apart those who are united and stirring up strife between those who have broken apart, he loves factionalism, delights in factionalism, enjoys factionalism, speaks things that create factionalism. He engages in harsh speech. He speaks words that are insolent, cutting, mean to others, reviling others, provoking anger and destroying concentration. He engages in idle chatter. He speaks out of season, speaks what isn’t factual, what isn’t in accordance with the goal, the Dhamma, & the Vinaya, words that are not worth treasuring. This is how one is made impure in four ways by verbal action.
If his mind inclines to speaking, he thinks: 'I will not engage in talk that is low, vulgar, common, ignoble, unconnected to the goal, not leading to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calm, direct knowledge, enlightenment, Nibbana, such as talk of kings, robbers, ministers, armies, dangers, wars, food, drink, clothing, beds, garlands, scents, relatives, vehicles, villages, towns, cities, countries, women, heroes, street talk, well talk, talk of the dead, miscellaneous talk, talk of being, talk of the sea, and various kinds of talk like this.' Thus he is fully aware there. And if his mind inclines to speaking, he thinks: 'I will engage in talk that is connected to the goal, leading to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calm, direct knowledge, enlightenment, Nibbana, such as talk of few desires, contentment, seclusion, non-entanglement, arousing energy, virtue, concentration, wisdom, liberation, knowledge and vision of liberation.' Thus he is fully aware there. If his mind inclines to thoughts, he thinks: 'I will not think thoughts that are low, vulgar, common, ignoble, unconnected to the goal, not leading to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calm, direct knowledge, enlightenment, Nibbana, such as thoughts of sensuality, ill-will, and harm.' Thus he is fully aware there. And he thinks: 'I will think thoughts that are noble and lead outwards, leading to the complete destruction of suffering, such as thoughts of renunciation, non-ill-will, and non-harm.
Unskillful Mental Action
“And how is one made impure in three ways by mental action? There is the case where a certain person is covetous. He covets the belongings of others, thinking, ‘O, that what belongs to others would be mine!’ He bears ill will, corrupt in the resolves of his heart: ‘May these beings be killed or cut apart or crushed or destroyed, or may they not exist at all!’ He has wrong view, is warped in the way he sees things: ‘There is nothing given, nothing offered, nothing sacrificed. There is no fruit or result of good or bad actions. There is no this world, no next world, no mother, no father, no spontaneously reborn beings; no contemplatives or brahmans who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves.’ This is how one is made impure in three ways by mental action.
Right Livelihood
“And what more is to be done? Our livelihood will be pure, clear & open, unbroken & restrained. We will not exalt ourselves nor disparage others on account of that pure livelihood: That’s how you should train yourselves. Now the thought may occur to you, We are endowed with shame & compunction. Our bodily conduct is pure. Our verbal conduct… our mental conduct is pure. Our livelihood is pure. That much is enough, that much means we’re done, so that the goal of our contemplative state has been reached. There’s nothing further to be done, and you may rest content with just that. So I tell you. I exhort you. Don’t let those of you who seek the contemplative state fall away from the goal of the contemplative state when there is more to be done."
Contemplation of Sila
To improve our interactions with others, one should regularly contemplate how to engage in a way that lessens attachment, greed, and aversion, while promoting kindness and goodwill.
This means letting go of any judgments towards others and continually improving one's skill in interacting with people so that no 'fires of Nibbana' are created, which would lead to lingering thoughts and feelings of regret or negativity afterwards.
It should be remembered that compassion for the world and detachment from the world are not incompatible. On the contrary, they are inseparable, for compassion is purest only where it is totally disinterested.
Finally, read the above Sutta, a description of how if one follows the path correctly, there's no need for an act of will; the path will automatically fall into place.